Sunday, Sept 8th, 5:30 am.

My life is so ironic.

So here I am, up at 5:30 on one of the two days of the week that I do NOT have to get up for seminary. And what am I doing? Studying the scriptures. With much more focusedness that I would be in seminary.

Why?

Because I do not want to make a fool of myself in front of Ugly Pants boy.

No, he's not in my ward. But he goes to my BUILDING. And so he could possibly be listening in the foyer or something, and if I make a fool of myself, and he makes fun of me on monday, He'll not only be ugly pants boy, he'll be ugly-pants-lame-talk boy. His name could potentially get very long at that rate. And so, in order to save myself from having to repeat such a large number of words over and over, my resolve is to never embarrass myself in front of him again.

And guess what else. My topic:

chastity.

Euuch.

Maybe I should talk about french kissing?

because I definitely am not going to talk about anything further along than that, chastity-wise.

I know. I'll do that one scripture in Isaiah that Marcie showed me once... the one about the drawing the toungue out the mouth. We giggled for a while over that one.

And I think my mom told me once that President Kimball talked on it...

No. Then he'll be ugly-pants-embarrassing-french-kiss-talk boy. And a boy should definitely not have something morally unclean in his nickname.

I think I'll have to stick to the topic of holding hands.

OK. I am so pathetic. I can't even spell the word s-e-x without blushing
furiously. I DESERVE the name Molly.

I'll just have to steel myself and not look at anyone in the eye, especially not my Dad who can't spell S-E-X either... when he finally got around to giving me "the talk," I was 13. And he said Peanut Butter instead of S-E-X, as a kind of wierd code word for it, because he was so embarrassed. Why he chose Peanut Butter and not something more pertinent like Stiletto Heels, I don't know.

But to this day, I feel guilty whenever I eat a PBJ.

Maybe I should say a prayer. Do you think Heavenly Father laughs at pathetic Mollyness or do you think He's understanding?

My mom would say He's understanding if I asked her. But she would also laugh at me if I based my sacrament meeting talk around condiments because I'm too embarrased to say the S word. So there you go.